Liz's Melody

I know that with the recent holidays, everything and everyone has been on hyper drive and I myself have ignored the allure of my passion- writing. I'll admit, the holidays excite me, the lights dangling happily from houses and trees twinkling with either rainbow or white lights. Some have certain colored ornaments dangling proudly from their staged spots in windows while others display their family's moments haphazardly. It always made me wonder, why in front of a window? It would take a lot just to start going into an answer for this question. You see, to answer this question, a certain sense of religion must be set deep within me right? Well I do not believe in any religion nor do I aspire to anytime soon or ever. I have oft wondered what creates such devote peoples but I try my hardest not to step on toes so, to flip a bitch as my father says, I shall forget the current course upon which I had set myself.


With the holidays I have found myself even deeper within my sense of the mysterious depths that haunt those in depression. While my mother will ardently claim that I am not depressed, I am merely going through phases, I disagree. I may not know for sure or even claim myself to be depressed, I find myself wading into their depths. I have found therapists before quite antagonizing yet I always felt a certain sense of safety knowing that the secrets I have bottled within myself are safely stored upon tapes for studying and scrutiny. I asked my mother to return to one, I even told her I was depressed. I even went to the lengths of telling my beloved cousin Shell that I was depressed. I wanted to see a therapist, to start making strides in returning to the surface but of course, its my mother. Now I wouldn't say that I was upon the spot to harm myself in anyway besides emotional pain from memories, but I would like to resolve things. Like the death of Kammy. 


My friend Nathan asked me a few days before Christmas why I kept myself here, in those depths just waiting for the darkness to completely swallow me? I tried to explain to him that I lost Kammy, she held me here, she meant so much to me and how could anyone understand? How could he understand that I had no more good memories to start my accent to the surface? That I didn't choose to be here, I just am. But he swiftly reminded me that he himself had lost his father, that his pain was more than my own yet he picked himself up from the depths he had found himself in and changed his life. That I did indeed chose to be here and I had so much promise within me, so much left to live. That there was hope coursing through my veins, I just wasn't accepting it. I asked him, what is my hope? What is my promise? What future do I have where I am happy? How do you know these things? He told me that I had told him. I laughed silently to myself and he said that if I didn't know the answers to these questions maybe I should wade some more down here and when I figured them out I would know it was all an elaborate chimera. If I only I believed him.


So I did look around in my waters and I found a shimmering light, something that had to mean something. It was almost a flashlight in a completely black room. I swam towards it and found it to be the novel I was in the process of writing, Liz's Melody. It's about a girl named Liz who is a lesbian and lost her lover Maya to cancer. It's about Liz learning to how to move on from Maya's death and help her friends, Chloe, Aly, Lex, and Chris. Upon her journey, her brother Colin struggles with the deafening past and her sister Melanie comes out of banishment with her partner Temprence. They all join together to help Liz realize that no matter how broken she saw herself, each person had a piece of her that they had been gluing together all along, that Liz was never broken. And I believe that if I make an effort to finish Liz's Melody and get it printed, that maybe I will have realized Nathan's advice and I will have realized that I too was never really broken. And I hope that these things will come true.


Please email me if you would like a preview of Liz's Melody.